Update on the weight

Well the ambien did not work so well. It was given to me for sleep in which i could replace the seroquel with. For those of you who just may have joined us, the seroquel is a mood stabilizer antipsy, that makes you gain weight. I am in fact twenty pounds over the weight in which my husband met me at. That makes up for some of the depression I think I have.

I have recently described to a friend what it's like to be bipolar, and I said it's like part of my brain shuts off and there's nothing there. When I am manic my brain moves too fast and I have too many thoughts streaming at the same time, I think very fast ans mostly I arrive at confusion. This caused tremendous anxiety, and literally when I used to work in my career I started to forget what I was doing while I was doing it.

I do not want to go on about that anymore. I just want to be well and skinny like I used to be.
Isn't that what everyone wants?

Seriously though its hard because I started showing symptoms when I was 18 in the chow hall at college. I had a wicked hallucination and was under an extreme paranoid delusion. It was one of the scariest events of my life. I wish I had told someone who knew about mental illness, as I so often think about how my life could have been different if I would have gotten help then.

The point is, I am not sure what well looks like.